The Pangrammatic News Continues!

Glum Schwartzkopf vex'd by NJ IQ

General H. Norman Schwartzkopf, Jr. found out on Wednesday morning that his knowledge of his home state was shabby to say the least.  When taking the online NJ IQ challenge, the retired General was amazed to discover that the most mall-per-capita city in the US was not indeed Hackensack as he thought.  This came as a major disappointment to him, though he soon recovered when he found something to be proud of, viz., that Ben Stiller was definitely NOT born in NJ.  Of course the military leader was quick to punt the criticism onto someone else when reporters began quizzing him about his failure.  

"You can't help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself," he said with a glare.

Having been the top Army representative during the Gulf war, reporters asked him what he thought about the state of the current struggle.  After pausing thoughtfully, he quipped, "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

Merton on Desire for Directed Religion

From the high, gray, expensive tower of the Rockefeller Church, huge bells began to boom. It served very well for the 11:00 mass of the little brick church of Corpus Christi. What a revelation it was, to discover so many ordinary people in one place together, more conscious of God than of one another; not there to show off their hats or their clothes, but to pray, or at least to fulfill a religious obligation, not a human one.

From The Seven Storey Mountain-Thomas Merton

Another Pangramatic World News Update!!!

While Suez sailors wax parquet decks, Afghan Jews vomit jauntily abaft.

The Somali Pirates really had a jolt when they ran across a ship packed with a random conglomeration of Egyptians and recent Jewish converts. Puzzled, they sailed on, leaving the bunch to their own wiles. Convincing the captain of the "Akiiki Benjamin" to sit down for an interview was impossible, but a few of the sailors and passengers offered words that explained unequivocally their experiment.

"We began this voyage as an attempt at brotherly union, a sort of imposed peace," said Joseph Abrahamas, "I think it has worked out quite--excuse me!" His rush to the stern was cut short by a torrent of violent hurls that left the recently waxed decks covered with last night's lamb stew.

Shenti Wakashem rolled his eyes and exclaimed, "These Jews won't stop vomiting! We wax on, we wax off, and they uncontrollably find the one clean spot to puke on!"

Pangramatic World News Update!!!

Forsaking monastic tradition, twelve jovial friars gave up their vocation for a questionable existence on the flying trapeze.

Two Tibetan monks represented the far east.

I caught up with one of 6 Franciscans who seemed to have found his true calling. "Really," he told me, "I felt like a stone on the ground, but now I feel light as air. Wheee!"

Here is a sketch of a Lay Brother from the Prayer Foundation, as he was moving too fast for a photo.

And this Orthodox monk seemed to have finally reached Theosis.