Thursday, August 26, 2010

Developing Genius: Or, Plans for the Present

Well, she's here.  Yesterday was Gabriella's one month birthday and she celebrated by crapping herself in the most explosive manner.  Also, she recited the first 3 lines of sonnet 141:
In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,
For they in thee a thousand errors note;
But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise.
 Most people would not have been able to understand her, but that is only because of their relative lack of brainpower.  My kid's a genius.

So what about that list?

I suppose to require her to adhere directly to the list would imply that I had the intellectual and physical capacity to plan the path of success and world domination (logically--I put the list together, so I had to have been able to think up the process by which she could become the first great American author/take over the world/become a hermit/etc).  However, this can't be the case as I have not fulfilled the list myself.  Therefore, there must be some room for improvement.

I know I just compromised my life's declaration, viz. I am smarter and better than everyone else, but she is my progeny, and with my immense genetic development, I am sure to evolve more rapidly than most mammals.  In other words, she's going to be smarter, better, and faster than me.

So what does the present hold?  She is currently singing Mussorgsky's The Nursery progression.  Perhaps her life does not hold a literary or spiritual bent.  She may have some musical talent.

Who am I kidding, My genetic pool has NO musical talent whatsoever.  But the fact that she is singing in Russian certainly cheers me up!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Women

Women don't make it to the top because they don't deserve to.  They're crap....  They inevitably wimp out and go suckle something.
 - Neil French

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Vuvuzelas in Golf?

I think golf would be the perfect game to introduce the Vuvuzela--lots of men with grimaces and focused looks playing with long sticks and wrinkly balls, occasionally grunting or vocalizing deep-throatedly as others stand around staring at their postures, the length of their "drive" and their ability to put the balls in the holes--definitely makes me want to toot a phallic horn...

Also, the nature of my last two posts somewhat worries me.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Literary Joke of the Day

A Pathetic Fallacy is when a naturally lifeless object is treated as having human traits; a Phallic Patheticy is when a human object is naturally lifeless and not straight.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Satan's Child Revealed

“PowerPoint makes us stupid,” Gen. James N. Mattis of the Marine Corps, the Joint Forces commander, said this month at a military conference in North Carolina. (He spoke without PowerPoint.) Brig. Gen. H. R. McMaster, who banned PowerPoint presentations when he led the successful effort to secure the northern Iraqi city of Tal Afar in 2005, followed up at the same conference by likening PowerPoint to an internal threat.
Now if only our professors and business executives could figure this one out, the world might be a smarter place.